So… I was watching this show recently, of a married woman, in her late 30s or early 40s.
Now the lady, really has it going for her. A good job, good home, loving husband and a 17 year old son, also very loving of course. She gets pregnant, unplanned, and yes, the husband is the father (let’s stay focused here please). She decides she will get an abortion. Turns out she never even wanted to have children at all and in fact, has had 2 other abortions.
I am not sure what got into her this time, I say this time because, she had kept the 2 other abortions under wraps. She tells the husband that she is pregnant, and is not keeping the baby and even fuels that fire further by blurting out to hubby about the other 2 abortions.
Hubby totally flips. He is hurt, he is raging mad. He goes on late night drinking sprees, for days on end, gives the wife ultimatums, yani he even finds himself in the arms of his ex of 18 years ago, (face in palm) seeking solace and rebelling against the wife’s decision. Tuseme tu it’s lots of drama fit for a telenovela!
It got me thinking. Such cases are not rare, you hear about them, and even read them on social media (though I take social media stories with a pinch of salt, and a dash of pepper; some people would do anything for clicks, but when clicks put food on the table, ni muhimu).
I digress.
So do such relationships recover from such situations? How do they get past it? The betrayal of trust, that whole pro-life or pro-choice debate? More on this another day!
When a woman decides to be open and say that even the one child she has, she just gave in because it was expected, but given a choice, she would not have had any children.
Is it a deal breaker to reveal this before you get married? Not just women, men too.
Is society ready for this crucial conversation to happen? “I want to settle down with you but babies are not in my future”. Isn’t it time to stop the assumptions, especially on something so major. Though to be honest, I picture this discussion happening and most men saying it is OK and expecting that the woman’s position to change later on in marriage or when they settle.
The unnecessary pressure on a 35-year-old unmarried woman compared to a man is just, well, very unnecessary. Not to mention annoying. Si guilt trips from your parents, mara sijui self-appointed matchmakers everywhere, sijui aunties ridiculing you at family events. Come on!
We really need to normalize that women are not born to be wives or mothers? And that one can choose to be either one, or both. Choose to be a mother and a wife, to be a mother and not a wife, or a wife and not a mother.
We should normalize minding your own womb and keeping quiet when you don’t have one.
Some want to leave a legacy so that when they die, they leave a lineage to carry on their legacy, to be remembered…. But does legacy matter when you are 6 feet under? Or when you’re ashes in an urn, for those who opt for cremation.
I think legacy is for the living and everyone should be allowed to wear his or her own shoes. Just like you should identify as an individual, so should your children, if you decide to have them.
Now back to the telenovela, the lady actually gives in to pressure and decides to keep the baby.
To be honest, I may have looked fine, but deep down I was sad. Sad that she had to change her mind and has to live with that decision for the rest of her life, I mean that is a whole human being, a life that she didn’t want to bring forth.
Yes, I know it is just a show and the plot will likely twist and she suffers a miscarriage, but this stuff happens in real life.
Would it have been selfish to go ahead with the abortion? Maybe… but isn’t it also selfish for her hubby, and society to expect her to keep the baby she doesn’t want?
Has this article triggered some thoughts in your mind?
Please share and continue the conversation.
For now it is peace out from me, stay true to you always!!!!!
PS/ Call me Unchartered thoughts, mind a maze...
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