"HEAVEN I NEED A LONG SERIOUS HUG"
This is what I have been feeling this past few weeks. I have tried carrying the weight of the world but I only have two hands. One head and one heart. I need to have wisdom beyond my years,I need to have strength beyond my tiny frame, I need to have resilience beyond my might. Sometimes I feel like sleeping and waking up when everything is over and my heart and mind are in the right place..does anyone else ever feel like this?
Well if there is anything growing up has taught me is that it will not be easy...and words will only make you feel better for a while and that the waiting will test you beyond anything you will ever experience and that faith is personal and that nothing is ever handed to you on a silver plate...and that in as much as we may never understand what is happening to us now, its all worth the wait (I hope)
"Who am I? What is my purpose here?Is there anything I should have done differently? Am I making enough impact in this world? Am I using my God given talents for good? Am I being a good example for my child? Am I being a good daughter/sister/fiance/friend? Am I too consumed with things that don't matter?Do I take myself too seriously? Am I not being serious enough? "
I battle with these questions everyday and everyday I find myself sucked in on all the confusion life presents me. Someone once told me no one ever figures it out..that they run with the confusion until something works out. I refuse to live like this. I will struggle until I figure something out! So in my attempt to figure out something I will answer myself and see if I make any sense.
WHO AM I? I am simply a girl cum woman on a journey. In this journey, I have upset,uplifted,encouraged and outraged people.I have held myself back from speaking my mind, I have come out too strongly on some occasions and I have made many mistakes hoping to be forgiven someday...For now I soldier on.
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? Errrr I wish I had a solid answer for this. However, I would like to believe I will not leave this world without living it. For now I figure it out.
IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? Yes! Not holding back on anything! For now I learn to speak my mind when I need to.
AM I MAKING ENOUGH IMPACT IN THIS WORLD? Barely! The confusion is drowning my voice. For now I seek help
AM I USING GOD'S GIVEN TALENT FOR GOOD? I would like to think I have done some good with my talents. I have made someone smile,hope,go on living. BUT I am not living this truth enough. For now I put aside the laziness and take myself on.
I AM BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE TO MY CHILD? There is nothing I hold close to my heart like my child. I will continue to be the best role model to my child as much as I can,so help me God. For now I hold my faith close
AM I BEING A GOOD DAUGHTER/SISTER/FIANCE/FRIEND? I should like to think I do my best. Sometimes I might be a royal pain in the rear end. Sometimes I might shut all of you out. Sometimes I would re-treat in my own little shell and just want to be alone. Its normal to feel like I have not been there enough, that I have not lived up to your expectations,that I am not doing my best to make y'all comfortable..but it's important to know that I am still trying to figure it all out...no matter how long I have been in your life. For now just let me be
In short, I am living through the motions of being a 20 something woman, juggling with being a career woman, a mom, a fiance, a friend, a daughter,a sister and being my own person. A long the way on days like these, I feel like a total failure because I have not achieved one thing or another. On other days I feel like a champion. Life to me is one giant mess and I am just trying to figure it out. My faith is tested one too many times and my spirit is looking for a safe haven once in a while. I am on a clear path with a lot of T junctions on my it BUT even in all this confusion I am living. The fact that am still alive is more important that anything.
"I LOOK UP TO THE HEAVENS, WHERE WILL MY HELP COME FROM?"
This is what I have been feeling this past few weeks. I have tried carrying the weight of the world but I only have two hands. One head and one heart. I need to have wisdom beyond my years,I need to have strength beyond my tiny frame, I need to have resilience beyond my might. Sometimes I feel like sleeping and waking up when everything is over and my heart and mind are in the right place..does anyone else ever feel like this?
Well if there is anything growing up has taught me is that it will not be easy...and words will only make you feel better for a while and that the waiting will test you beyond anything you will ever experience and that faith is personal and that nothing is ever handed to you on a silver plate...and that in as much as we may never understand what is happening to us now, its all worth the wait (I hope)
"Who am I? What is my purpose here?Is there anything I should have done differently? Am I making enough impact in this world? Am I using my God given talents for good? Am I being a good example for my child? Am I being a good daughter/sister/fiance/friend? Am I too consumed with things that don't matter?Do I take myself too seriously? Am I not being serious enough? "
I battle with these questions everyday and everyday I find myself sucked in on all the confusion life presents me. Someone once told me no one ever figures it out..that they run with the confusion until something works out. I refuse to live like this. I will struggle until I figure something out! So in my attempt to figure out something I will answer myself and see if I make any sense.
WHO AM I? I am simply a girl cum woman on a journey. In this journey, I have upset,uplifted,encouraged and outraged people.I have held myself back from speaking my mind, I have come out too strongly on some occasions and I have made many mistakes hoping to be forgiven someday...For now I soldier on.
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? Errrr I wish I had a solid answer for this. However, I would like to believe I will not leave this world without living it. For now I figure it out.
IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? Yes! Not holding back on anything! For now I learn to speak my mind when I need to.
AM I MAKING ENOUGH IMPACT IN THIS WORLD? Barely! The confusion is drowning my voice. For now I seek help
AM I USING GOD'S GIVEN TALENT FOR GOOD? I would like to think I have done some good with my talents. I have made someone smile,hope,go on living. BUT I am not living this truth enough. For now I put aside the laziness and take myself on.
I AM BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE TO MY CHILD? There is nothing I hold close to my heart like my child. I will continue to be the best role model to my child as much as I can,so help me God. For now I hold my faith close
AM I BEING A GOOD DAUGHTER/SISTER/FIANCE/FRIEND? I should like to think I do my best. Sometimes I might be a royal pain in the rear end. Sometimes I might shut all of you out. Sometimes I would re-treat in my own little shell and just want to be alone. Its normal to feel like I have not been there enough, that I have not lived up to your expectations,that I am not doing my best to make y'all comfortable..but it's important to know that I am still trying to figure it all out...no matter how long I have been in your life. For now just let me be
In short, I am living through the motions of being a 20 something woman, juggling with being a career woman, a mom, a fiance, a friend, a daughter,a sister and being my own person. A long the way on days like these, I feel like a total failure because I have not achieved one thing or another. On other days I feel like a champion. Life to me is one giant mess and I am just trying to figure it out. My faith is tested one too many times and my spirit is looking for a safe haven once in a while. I am on a clear path with a lot of T junctions on my it BUT even in all this confusion I am living. The fact that am still alive is more important that anything.
"I LOOK UP TO THE HEAVENS, WHERE WILL MY HELP COME FROM?"
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