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In my PAIN I found JOY


The month of August 2012 will forever be etched in my mind as the month that really defined me. In splits of seconds my destiny had been clearly chatted down in a canvas and it was upon me to decide what I would do with it. In that one moment, I felt weaker that I have ever felt yet stronger than I was ever going to be…I felt tears well in my eyes and a smile carving in my mouth, I felt my knees grow weak and my heart pumping the hardest it had ever pumped to survive. I held on, I chose the hard path out and I hoped that it would be worth it in the end.

For one whole week I was spaced out. My reality quickly became my fantasies in reverse. There was everything to look forward to and nothing tangible to tell me I was just a step away from achieving everything I had hoped for. Day after day, I walked on eggshells wondering how the rest of the world was going to internalize what I was about to tell them. What was going on in their tiny little minds, or not, concerning me, was about to change in a manner of me letting it out. I was trapped in my own thoughts, doomed to my own oblivion and topsy-turvy that was steadily taking over what I used to think of my life.

I sat on pain, I drenched in mortal fear, I took my self to the high of self-pleasure, I grinned when I was not needed to and I patted myself to sleep most nights. Enter the doctor’s proclamations and my parent’s response and I knew I served a mighty God. I have a boyfriend with whom am hopelessly in love with...those words will forever remain true. It is through my pain that I realized I had a support system in him that I would not fathom having with any other person. 

It’s been two weeks now and my worst fears are now turning into blissful realities. I have a wonderful support system. Something I more than often had taken for granted. I have a family that LOVES me to death, friends that would drop everything they were doing to be there for me and an unconventional LOVE life few dream of but can never have. I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination and I know deep in my heart it is going to be JUST fine…
For now I soak in all the goodness and put my legs up on my table internalizing how graciously good God has been to me…
I will be writing more often now and keeping you posted J I officially love life

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