Today I was almost doing something I knew I would never forgive myself for, I almost allowed myself to give up.See I was expecting a life changing call today,and as the hours went by and nothing came through, I got into a panic zone. I lost my mind and I found myself in a flood of tears (Ok I tried to squeeze some tears out but nothing!!!) My heart was seriously in pain though. I started doubting everything I had choosen to believe in in the first place and for a moment there, I wondered if the God I serve had even listened to me at this period when I needed Him the most. Then to make matters worse, the people I had let in on about the importance of the call, kept asking me if I received it, and whenever I said NO, I could see the dissappointment and the helplessness they felt in their hearts. It devastated me!!
I know I am far from understanding what God wants for my life. Being human does not make it easy either.All I am left wondering is which direction to take from here. I am seriousy stuck and as much as I would like to remain hopeful and full of faith, my human nature is slowly pushing me to the corner and telling me my fate is sealed. I bumped into a photo...a photo that to many would have a comical effect but to me, It spoke right to the core of my being.I will share later in this post.
So anyhu, when I decided to be out of the limbo with my situation today,I started thinking about the millions of others who would have done anything to be in my position.For starters, I woke up today...that in its self is enough to be thankful for, as if that is not enough, I got myself out of bed, got into the kitchen and started deciding what I would have for breakfast! I mean I had a whole array of things to choose from while someone else is hoping for a bowl of porridge to fill their stomachs...then I sat down and even had time for drawing and the strength to do the same...I mean someone else would be in the hospital holding on to dear life without even the strength to open their eyes!! Surely what is a few months in a dissatisfying job and no paycheck to show for the passion and sweat I put in my work!
I came to the conclusion that I was being petty,that I should never give up no matter how bad my situation is because other people were having it worse (I have just thought of how my employer has mixed priorities and got bile in my throat! :)). That I am human and understanding God is far beyong my intellect So I will let him do his thing! And lastly I have got a weapon to stay strong,friends and family who love me to death and support me :)
Till muchachos!!!
I know I am far from understanding what God wants for my life. Being human does not make it easy either.All I am left wondering is which direction to take from here. I am seriousy stuck and as much as I would like to remain hopeful and full of faith, my human nature is slowly pushing me to the corner and telling me my fate is sealed. I bumped into a photo...a photo that to many would have a comical effect but to me, It spoke right to the core of my being.I will share later in this post.
So anyhu, when I decided to be out of the limbo with my situation today,I started thinking about the millions of others who would have done anything to be in my position.For starters, I woke up today...that in its self is enough to be thankful for, as if that is not enough, I got myself out of bed, got into the kitchen and started deciding what I would have for breakfast! I mean I had a whole array of things to choose from while someone else is hoping for a bowl of porridge to fill their stomachs...then I sat down and even had time for drawing and the strength to do the same...I mean someone else would be in the hospital holding on to dear life without even the strength to open their eyes!! Surely what is a few months in a dissatisfying job and no paycheck to show for the passion and sweat I put in my work!
I came to the conclusion that I was being petty,that I should never give up no matter how bad my situation is because other people were having it worse (I have just thought of how my employer has mixed priorities and got bile in my throat! :)). That I am human and understanding God is far beyong my intellect So I will let him do his thing! And lastly I have got a weapon to stay strong,friends and family who love me to death and support me :)
Till muchachos!!!
I totally feel what you are going through random chick. What i can say is that God throws at u, that which you can handle, so do not give up because ur break through is on its way. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Maks I need that :)and thanks for stopping by!!
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